Hucleus rays and the bed of woo
The James Randi Educational Foundation site carried a lovely piece today by Richard Saunders, listing some delightful products tapping EUTS (Energies Unknown To Science!) to make your life a better one. From Quantum Pendants to Bionic Bands, these amulets of power will rebalance your biofeedback, clear your pathways of negative energy, and synchronize the resonance of your cells. Can you really afford even one more day without Proton Alignment Resonance Technology or the comforting stabilization of the Phild Process?
Oh. Not so eager to open your chakras and your wallet? Before you make a decision on the miracle of bio-energy field stabilization, you say you want to sleep on it? Perfect; I've got just the product for you to sleep on. Behold: the disease-repelling, sex-enhancing, Korean Thermo Clay Mat/Bed!
I can't find a web site for this wonder bed; perhaps it's no longer made. (But it is patented!) Fortunately, I picked up a brochure a dozen years or so past, and would like to make sure that this piece of furniture – which kept "our Forefathers" from ever dying of cancer! – is not missing from today's Internet.
The text below, quaint misspellings and mistranslations included, comes directly from a brochure from the Mud Mat Co., Ltd. of Cerritos, California. Bold typeface is my own addition, to highlight favorite passages.
All right. Come recline upon my mat of mud while I tell you about nucleus external rays:
Made By Unpolluted Earth
THERMO CLAY MAT/BED
Mud Mat Co., Ltd.
GET LIFE FROM EARTH
Our Incredibly Smart Forefathers
The heat that has transferred through (CERAMIC) material is 80 times more intensive than the conventional heat. The reason is that heat is transferred through ceramic creates hucleus external ray.
Therefor when cooking or baking, it is more advantageous if one uses utensil made of mud.
Do you remember how when weather was groovy or Monsoon starts and rains all day, you come home and you were able to relax your back comfortably against the hot mud plate you had in your house? it was because of nucleus external ray. If you heat your back really good, with our mud bed, sexual drive will improve for both men and female.
The thermo bed is reincarnation of our wisdom of our forefathers through modern science.
Why didn't out Forefathers die of cancer?
The first people to utilize nucleus external ray was our forefathers. The ray coming from kitchen heating utility prevented breast cancer and uterus cancer. The nucleus external ray coming from the earth is most stable and beneficial to our health.
The discovery of nucleus external ray and utilizing modern Science.
In 18th century, this ray was discovered by German scientist Hussel. This ray is currently used to cure cancer in Yeon Sae University Hospital in Korea.
Why is this ray good?
This ray prevents various infectious germs as well as increase the blood flow by expanding the channel of blood flow in our body.
This ray also aid our body cells to reproduce and repair more quickly.
The Korean Earth
The Korean Earth is superior earth compared to any other earth in the world. No one ever catches diseases related with earth in Korea. This proves that Korean earth is.
That's the main text. Then there's a diagram of the bed construction, revealing four main sections: the Earth Plate, the Koodle, the Copper plate, and the Outer shell. The Outer shell is everyday wood and cushioning stuff, while the Copper plate is a single layer that "Prevents water force". (One wishes for more elucidation here, but that's all we're told.)
The Koodle, meanwhile, keeps mum on the origin of its mysterious moniker. I don't know about your bed's Koodle, but this bed's Koodle is mundane layers of paper, "urethan", aluminum sealing tape, "OPP synthetic skin", "Aluminum coating, Calbanium", and a heating device plus "heat producing silicon layer" and "heating elevation prevention device".
Maybe that's all a good Koodle should have. What do you think?
(I just can't stop saying it. Koodle.)
The real heart of the bed is its Earth Plate. I'm surprised that Mud Mat Co., Ltd. lets us in on the ingredients, but here's the recipe for you home crafters:
Mudlayer: Natural vegetation, flower chromosome, cork, and pine tree powder.
Earth: wite mud, yellow mud, red clay, and silica.
Grass: mugwort, sea grass, yellow stalk, one grass w/ no equivalent translation in English (Chinese herb grass)
Heat Transferring Net
A-ha! It's that "untranslatable" Chinese herb grass that's the trade secret. Open-source your bed, Mud Mat Co.! We're in dire need of nucleus external rays!
Finally, there's a closing list of features:
- Shin Toe Bul Yee (Body and Earth can't become Two)
- Herbal Medicine Effect (very good for your body)
- Will protect you from harmful electronic field
- Such a great looking bed (very pretty)
- Very Economical (will only cost you $5/month in electricity bill)
- Reasonably priced
- Kills harmful germ and virus
Hey, how is it that the same rays and bio-fields that energize our blood and repair our cells and pep up our gametes are always said to have opposite effects on harmful bacterial cells? Just curious.
Anyway. The Thermo Clay/Mat Bed hardly seems an awful bit of woo. It actually seems a decent bed (it is very pretty!) based on traditional customs for keeping warm in Korean winters, and the wackier claims made by Mud Mat are tame compared to, say, a Quantum Pendant or an angelic energy reader or a Scientology E-meter.
I just get a mild chuckle out of this brochure. I hope you did as well.