This is what religion is: they angle for fresh prey, and once they snag you, they swallow you up. You are embraced in the rugae and crypts of the gut of the church, all warm and pink and soft and wet and intimate, and each of the members is like a little villus — a multitude of villi brush adoringly against you, each telling you how wonderful and delicious you are, and each leeching away a little of yourself, your individuality, your independence. It feels good as you are slowly absorbed. Then at last, when your will is gone and your dependence is complete, you are digested by the body of Christ, and there you will be for all of your productive years. Eventually, when you are old and no longer active, you'll take residence in the colon of the church, serviced by occasional visits from a priest or a volunteer, in hopes of one final ka-ching from your will…and then your empty husk will be shat out into the church graveyard, with the leavings of other past meals. The churches of your community all ought to be viewed as predatory animals, some lazy and sated, others restless and hungry, but all eyeing you as potential fodder to keep the beast alive.
USB: The high-speed port to HELL!
Yes, the religious are (often) nuts.
Ever notice how the logo to denote USB, the ubiquitous technology for connecting peripherals to personal computers, looks like a devilish pitchfork?
Okay, neither have I. But then again, I'm not of the theological ilk to detect the image of Mother Mary gracing a pastrami, either. A gaggle of evangelicals in Brazil, displaying the flavor of open-mindedness on which believers pride themselves, have decided to swear off the use of USB ports because of logo's resemblance to the imaginary pointy-thing carried by an imaginary villain. From USB - Satan's Data Connection:
The evangelical cult "Paz do Senhor Amado" ("Peace Beloved of the Lord") in the interior of Brazil forbids its followers to use any USB technology by contending that it uses a symbol that makes apology to the devil.
According to its founder, the "Apostle" Welder Saldanha says that this is just a symbol of Satan, is always present in all Christian homes.
No word on whether the new USB 3.0 standard enables faster transfer rates to deliver soul packets to Hell. (Where the techno-damned will presumably spend an eternity slaving away at Windows Vista terminals, relishing the occasional breaks for less-painful pitchfork disembowlings.)
So, what's a good Christian gadget lover in the Amazon to do? Fear not; the "Apostle" isn't demanding Amish levels of Luddism from his flock. Believers are free to use the wireless Bluetooth connection technology instead, as
"Blue was the color of the eyes of our savior Jesus Christ."
Score one for Jesus the Nordic Jew! (Suggestion to "Apostle" Saldanha: Give Bluetooth the thumbs-up to honor King Harald "Bluetooth" Gormsson of Denmark's conversion to Christianity, instead of Jesus's impossible eye color. You'll get laughed at a bit less.)
Anyway. Maybe the story's completely false; it could all be just the latest Internet joke. Anyone in Brazil have further news on this puzzling piece of purported pareidolia?