In the beginning was the unspeakable squamous horror

9 Oct 2009

From a silly Photoshop contest at CRACKED magazine (I read it so you don't have to, okay?) comes this reader-submitted masterpiece. Ah, now that explains much about our universe! The frigid, lifeless gulfs of infinite space... the murderous cataclysms of our own planet... its trackless dry wastes and unsurvivable polar regions... flesh-eating bacteria... brain-devouring viruses... our own greed, bloodlust, and savagery... With Cthulhu properly identified as the Inhumane Designer, we no longer have to ask whether mankind's miseries point to an evil God. Now we know.

Besides, what but an Inhumane Designer explains the sanity-rending aesthetic ugliness riddling creation, crawling just below its patina of butterflies and puppies? I'm looking at you, arachnid faces, tumescent monkey butts, and human feet. No, wait, I'm not looking at you. AHHHH! Go away!!

Comments

cracked.com has tons of really funny stuff on it. it's light-years away from the mediocre magazine. try seanbaby. he's been the funniest inhabitant of the tubes for decades. DECADES.

defaithed's picture

Not everything clicks on CRACKED, and the writing is juvenile, but it's funny juvenile. Some of it is excellent. 

I know seanbaby's work from years back, especially the comic book sendups. Like these. Funny enough to cause physical pain from laughing. Approach with caution! 

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