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Via the invincible PZ Myers, here's the kind of "they've-got-to-making-this-up" story that passes for reality in religiondom:

A student went to Catholic mass, and instead of chewing the communion wafer, walked off with it. (Instead of respectfully, piously swallowing and digesting and defecating it.)

A cracker. (See: IT'S A GODDAMNED CRACKER)

The Catholic community is in an uproar. The student has desecrated and defiled the Body of Christ. He has commited a mortal sin and sacrilege. There's talk of disciplinary action at his school, and accusations of "beyond a hate crime".

It's got to be a joke, right? No. Catholics worldwide are seizing this opportunity to prove that they are not going to take second place to fundamental Islamic fanatics in medieval superstitious lunacy. 

Anyway. I have a confession (or is it Confession?) to make. I may have desecrated the Body of Christ myself.

The Case of the Misdirected Communion 

Simple story: Years ago, I found myself as a tourist at Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, for my money possibly the most beautiful structure on Earth. Inside, a Mass was in progress, and I took part.

I had little idea of what goes on in a Mass, and naturally have zero sympathy for the religious hookum behind it, but why pass up a chance to take part in an ancient human ritual in awe-inspiring surroundings? There was certainly no disrespect in me, just a desire to not miss a once-in-a-lifetime experience.  (If, say, a Native American tribe offered to let me sit in on a ritual offering to their deity, you bet I'd take part!)

Kneel. Stand. Sit. Read. Sing. I did my best to follow along with the motions so well known and rehearsed by the regulars. Nothing too difficult, and I doubt that people around me even had reason to notice that I was winging it. I certainly didn't want to disturb what for them was a meaningful, meditative moment in their busy lives. It was clear to me that I was observing a fascinating social ritual, and I felt grateful for the chance. 

Uh oh, people want to head out of the pews, and I'm on the end. I quietly stumble forward... and somehow find myself at the head of a line to receive Communion. Suddenly I'm the leader! For Communion, in Notre bloody Dame!

The black-clad priest (Father? Friar? Vicar? I have no idea) quickly discerned that I didn't know what to do. With a rather severe expression, he made an "eat" gesture. So, knowing what this wafer thing is supposed to represent, and having an idea that it's meant only for believers, I popped open my mouth anyway, because... HEY, FREE CRACKER!

Chomp. Then, seeing how the procession worked over in another line of people, I properly veered off to the sidelines. And that was it. 

Who's going to burn for this?

Was the priest wrong to give me the wafer? I don't know. He couldn't know himself, of course, whether I was a smirking non-believer, or just a long-lapsed (or mentally slow) Catholic. And I guess it's not policy to halt proceedings and quiz every suspicious-looking cracker-beggar.

Was I wrong? Is it wrong for an utter non-believer in God/Christ – an antitheist, in fact – to take the wafer? Did I "desecrate" the "Body of Christ"? I don't know the religionist position on that. I do know that if I did do those symbolic bad things... well, I'm sure not bothered by it! As someone wise pointed out, IT'S A GODDAMNED CRACKER!

Moral of the story: Whatever your view of religion, go to Notre Dame. It's awesome. And you just might score free munchies.